i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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