am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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