he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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