"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
