I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
