come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Randomize
