Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
