I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize