you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
