That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
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