You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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