We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
