He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
