I just made out with a guy for $7.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
