I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
