The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
