We got so high we made milksteak
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
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