I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
