I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize