we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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