I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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