I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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