She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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