not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
