I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
