hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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