Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
