she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
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