Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize