What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
