ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
