my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
