Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
