Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
