you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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