Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
