My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Randomize
