The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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