So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Randomize
