So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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