I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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