It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
