I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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