well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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