All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
just tell him i said nine months
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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