I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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