I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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