I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
