I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
The uberlube is also flammable
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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