Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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