i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
