you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
