he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
