Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
