my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
