whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
