The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize