My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
