So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
