cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
