You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
