So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
