then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
