Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
