T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
